Sometimes in order to grow, we need to, in essence destroy ourselves. By breaking down the old walls, leveling the lot, we can make room for new things to grow. These moments are often the results of  unconscious action and disaster and are recognized in humbling and embarrassing moments. It isn’t until we begin sorting out the after math, when we can identify the disconnections from our authentic selves, that we can identify the underlying neglected elements, needs, and new opportunities. Luckily, in the rubble and disaster of it all we are blessed with the opportunity to change and re-build. We’ve no structure left to cling to and only the open air and choice, to re-define, re-confirm, and once again explore our identity and direction, by picking up the pieces and putting things back together. The wrecking ball blows of self- destruction can be the birthing pains of a better life. 

There is hope for even the the hopeless,  in our worst moments and personal disasters; be it the heart breaking ending of a relationship, a twisted car wreck, or pathetic displays of public drunkenness. As long as we’re breathing the next day, the events that occurred however negative offer us eye-opening opportunities for re-connection and course correction. Some times we reach new lows, and other times, we re-visit old lows, passed out in our own filth while strangers discuss where to drop our body (new low for me ). These rock bottoms and new lows can help us in the long run. The sooner we realize the fall and self-destructive nature of our choices and behaviors, the sooner we feel the floor, and can take comfort that we can’t (or won’t allow ourselves to) fall any lower. From there, looking up and exploring what lead to the great calamity can lead to new insights about ourselves and present situation.

Moving forward- usually means staggering, limping, holding your head in your hands, praying for a shower and a cup of coffee, as you meander onward. How many times have you been offered the advice to simply “just take a step,” or “soldier on,” as we move forward?  It’s a classic image of confident triumph and charge ahead, but often enough, we don’t simply march on. I’ve had my share of epic failures and tragedies, and can honestly say, I don’t remember simply walking away from the explosion and train wreck, or moving on with a swagger as if I meant for it all to happen. In fact, if I ever did, it usually meant that I wasn’t finished processing things and set myself up for future crashes down the road. If you’ve not limped and whimpered away, screaming “what was I thinking?” ,  you’re likely missing some important life lessons (and really fun/exciting moments).

It’s important to recognize the staggering missteps as you recover and rebuild. Checking in on yourself and being honest about what you’re walking away from and how it’s affecting you can save your life.  Similar to being drunk, you recognize in your current state, when you’ve got double vision and the spins, that it’s probably not a good time to drive home. Likewise, sprinting away from a problem or painful moment, by living in fast-forward, rushing into other things to escape the thoughts, will more times than not lead to more and bigger trouble.

There is a hangover and healing time to every bad situation. The residual effects linger for a while. And the sooner we explore the situation, come to peace and re-hydrate;  the sooner we heal and can march forward in the fearless soldiering style, that our friends and loved ones compassionately advise us about. Personal failures, humiliating moments, and tragic disasters provide opportunities to re-invent ourselves. Sure you can mope and whine and stir in those feelings of self pity and victimization, but you probably won’t get far crawling like that until you pick yourself up and decide to start walking again.

When it comes to self-destructive acts, I’m a demolitions expert, professional stunt man and carpenter. I’ve blown it up, jumped it, wrecked it, risked it, and rebuilt it many times over. At times I feel 3 screws short of a screw loose. I get myself into so many moments that require course correction, confidence and courage that I have to right them down from fear that I might forget them. I try not to repeat failures, but have certainly been guilty of every coping/avoidance tactic out there.

These days I know a bit better. I  at least  no longer attempt fleeing scene. I’m here with a push broom, fresh blueprints and an eager and open heart. Sure I might move slow at first, but I’ll get better.

In order to move forward, we have to challenge ourselves and question our attachment to beliefs and pain of the past, by letting them go. Clinging out of fear does not help us move closer towards happiness. Often times, what we’re clinging to is a fictional world of rationalizations, where we’re not even owning up to our own shortcomings, mistakes and roles in the circumstances of a given event. In these states we learn little. Letting go seems like a hard notion in practice, in order to reach forward for happiness, we must let go of fear and pain.

To steal a line or two from Imogen Heap. “Let go. There’s beauty in the breakdown.” There is a majesty to it all.  In giving up the illusions of what we thought we knew about ourselves and the world we live in, we can return to the child like wonder of it all and imagine and dream without limitation of the perception of what is “known”. Hitting the reset button on parts (or most) of your life that you recognize you need and desire to change is an empowering experience. Luckily for us humans, these opportunities are granted, all too often, in the form of embarrassing moments, failure tragedy and disaster.

Notes to Self:

Attentively search for opportunities for growth and awareness.

Recognize smaller invitations to change welcome them early on.

1st Personal Realization/Admission for 2012 – Accidentally cross fading pain killers + alcohol on an empty stomach = recipe  for embarrassing self-destructive moments, and definite invitation to some more personal growth moments. :p

Don’t run from it. Learn from it. Then move forward.