Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and for many of us it may mark the end of a relationship. It is the #1 dump day. So I thought I’d put together a short list of resources that I have personally turned to for self-help within a relationship. I find a deeper understanding from re-reading things and feel that it is always good to surround ourselves with positive influences.
A constant commitment to self-improvement will always be worth the effort no matter the outcome of a relationship, if you wake up every day, stronger, healthier and happier, the trials and tribulations of the day before were worth it. Here are a few tips to help you immerse yourself in an environment that facilitates positive change.
1. Subscribe to newsletters and magazines that are a positive force for your life. I <3 Mental Floss & Psychology Today. I pick up random hippy-dippy zen magazines that calm me down and keep me positive.
2. Buy and read the books. If you are like me, sometimes, I only get to the buy the book step. You can’t absorb knowledge by proximity. Pick up the book. Read it and practice.
3. Listen to the Audiotapes. Audiotapes serve as helpful reinforcements but I believe I make better connections through reading. I am easily bored with music at the gym and love to flex my brain while I’m pumping iron or on long runs.
4. Watch the shows. I am a fan of anything that motivates and maintains a positive attitude and keeps you in a mindset of constant improvement.
5. The most important thing- DO THE WORK! Interrupt your habits and patterns and apply what you’ve learned. Talk to your friends, family, and your spouse about what you are reading, trying, doing and thinking about. It is ironic that it takes more communication to get to better communication and so few of us actually do it. Do the work. Communicate!
“Why Can’t You Read My Mind?”
by Jeffery Bernstein Ph.D. and Susan MaGee
This book is a great starting point for any relationship. It covers 9 toxic thought patterns that get in the way of loving relationship. The book provides ground rules, exercises that you may find silly but they pave the way for healthy communication and healed hearts between couples. This is a book you should read with your significant other. I have read it multiple times and will enjoy reading it again to refresh my memory.
“The Wisdom of Forgiveness”
by the Dalai Lama and David Chan
This book is a personal favorite. I have enjoyed all the Dalai Lama books and am always on the prowl for more practical applications of Buddhist teachings for westerners. If you pay attention to the methods told through the stories in this book, you can unlock an ability to approach even the harshest conflicts with a loving kindness. I get in trouble for laughing in fights now, not because I’m teasing anyone but simply because I am searching for tiny pleasant things to expand and enjoy in the moment.
The Psychology Today, Oprah and Dr. Phil Websites are full of useful articles regarding relationships. Here are some articles that have really helped me have a better understanding and the right attitude.
Oprah-How-to-Diffuse-a-Fight-Communication-Advice-for-Couples
Psychology Today-Darling-how-should-we-resolve-our-conflicts?
Psychology Today-Disarming-your-buttons-how-not-get-provoked-part-3-4
