Seasonal Charms

My words are many and make up  loosely woven green sleeves for Spring. The fresh ideas and dreams comfort you in the summer with their shade. I fall for your smile and follow you to the river and  you come to me with your picnics and dress me in hammocks.

I watch your how your limbs dance and rock in the wind and how you carry your trunk carelessly and bare into the stream. You make me quake and sway. I have no words for you, they all dangle above you unready and unfinished works and broken loose associations.

I swear that I’ll change and my words will ripen and heavy until I can no longer fight the urge to reach you. I’ll  throw blankets of songs and stories all ripe, warm hues to kiss your face where I cannot. In my native tongue, I have no sounds save for slow deep hums, crackling jokes and gentle whispers that can only be heard with the wind but I’d break myself trying to make it to consonants and vowels. I’d die for you to hear me but fear the words drive you away. These seasonal charms all saved for an audience of one, who can see the joy and life in all but forget to look down at your feet or up near the sky to see who stares back at you with everything that I know.

As life burrows down deep and tickle my roots, I’d pray You’d come back to me and I’d keep you warm. You struck me and left me bare, I pray only that God grant a quick gift and second strike to finish the job. I’d fall over that stream and you’d feel the crash but would you know that I fell for you? My last wish, to leave you that bridge, to find your way. I’d leave a cabin built of me and oh how I’d hold you and oh how I’d keep you but you wouldn’t notice me beyond a friend and inanimate thing.

The life water begins to run still and freeze and I scream and I scream and I scream but no more than any tree. I hope this is it and awareness leave me and I can return to the earth with no more hope or ambitions for words and love. Sleep.

I wake  up find myself Green eyed again and staring at you, your smile and skin are ripe.  I am behind but with fresh ideas and open mind -til God choose it, your mute cursed to hold and let go live and die til sentence is up and some greater fate take me elsewhere.

Popularity: 61% [?]

Creepy Serial Romance- How to Scare Away Women With A Song

So I was working on another song and had to pull a few twisted lines from it and couldn’t resist playing with them, before I knew it I had this insanely creepy thing that I hope you find eerie and hilarious. Usually I write sweet sensitive things and rarely embrace the inner sarcastic Carlin inspired 13 year old boy.

Sometimes, there are people we all have to chase away and have no nice way to put it so we have to get creative. So on that note, I thought, how can I sound like the biggest creep and stalker to any girl no matter what. Here is the result. The strange thing is, I think there are a lot of women out there who can’t help but attract this kind of guy.

So- Creepy Serial Romance ( had Jack Johnson songs stuck in my head)

I’m the monster in your closet, the guy laying low in the back of your trunk,

The crazy eyed, lumberjack hitchhiker a little down on his luck,

But girl you don’t suppose it to give me a chance?

You could be famous, picture perfect, frozen in a serial romance.

(Only gets worse from here so be warned)

I’m the smelly guy beside you at the back of the bus

The one screaming about spaceships and aliens coming after us,

Won’t you let me abduct you in that pretty red dress?

You might say “What big teeth you have” but I promise I won’t make a mess

Because I’m the guy outside your bedroom with the telephoto lens

who would like to be beside you so the fun would never end,

Won’t you leave your window open so I can climb out of this tree

I promise to be quite when I come in and hold you in your sleep.

Some might think me misguided, unbalanced chemically,

but the most excitement  you’ll ever find will be right here with me.

So girl you don’t suppose that I could  come within 300 feet

If you’d just cancel all the paper work and have them set me free

We could ride off together 3 states away,

the world would never find us, they’d never have a chance,

So what do you say to a little serial romance?

Some might think me misguided, unbalanced chemically,

but the most excitement  you’ll ever find will be right here with me.

I’ve got a million syndromes they’ve tried to medicate

but don’t let that stop you from coming out to play.

I’ll meet you at the bar I followed your car to the other day.

I’ll be the creepy guy beside you who can’t find a date.

And on the nights that you stay home on the Internet

I’ll be logged in and bothering you wanting to be your friend.

I’m the guy with the fake profile and stolen identity,

rifling through your purse to make copies of your keys

Oh you know you’d love your first date with me.

Popularity: 62% [?]

Patience

When I think about cultivating patience, I think about children. When others think about patience, they think of standing in a waiting line at the DMV. I think of children. It takes great patience to teach children and great compassion and humility to learn from them.  I can’t yet visualize myself as a father but I can imagine the pride I would take as a father and how it would fuel my devotion and drive to teach what I have learned with patience and humility.

The personal pride of self control required to allow a person time to think, speak and discover things for themselves, guiding where you can and saving them where you must. Doing this without letting frustration get the better of me, I would find it challenging, anything worth doing has it’s challenges.

As I step forward into life I look to the horizon and must build a foundation for a family. When I think about patience, I think about working 2 extra jobs to sock away money for a little rug-rat or down payment on a house.  People often avoid thinking about the rewards of patience and write it off completely as one of life’s many burdens. The blessings it can bring out though are endless.

Patience can bring perfect timing, perfect timing can make your greatest mistake appear to be your most brilliant feat. Holding out for the perfect moment, you can show the world magic. In the months and years ahead, in this economy and at the thought of settling down, staking claims and building community, life and family, I must learn to practice patience.

Popularity: 36% [?]

The Simple Life

A playful fantasy to live under the guise of a simple man, to be nurtured and fulfilled by simple places, plain homes and conversations, but those are too small and stagnant for me. My dreams and thoughts are to big and wondrous to bury in the back yard, yet I have come to appreciate the simple things in life.

To be a simple man,

finding all the answers in brand names and beer cans,

chasing faceless skirts, wearing  dirty jeans and a T-shirt

To be a simple man,

join the Marines and marry out of high school

fulfilled by sports cars and the same old circling fools

To be a simpler man,

love one woman and never wish for another

Enjoying dinner with your family and calling your mother

To be a simpler man,

playing poker with the boys every Thursday night,

writing songs, playing the guitar and getting in fist fights.

To be a simpler man,

Raising some daughters and racing home to your wife

Hanging your hat and worry at the door,

racing home to that life with the pedal on the floor,

To be a simpler man, that would be alright.

I am the type to hide myself in simplicity, running miles away from  any scene where I’d have to confront the depth and energy of my own character. I need to be kept in endless adventure, mystery, wonder and awe, and hi-jacked every good thing in my life in the pursuit. There are simple mysteries, bottomless natural beauties that I am happily naive to. The natural wonders, the rare, strange marvels, people, scenes and occurrences that are simply, and most beautifully complicated and ever changing. I could spend my entire life with someone who just kept me guessing what the hell I was looking at.

There is beauty in the struggle of understanding. I am still chasing That wonder that sparks the imagination and makes men worry and question everything about themselves- the very definition of a woman.

I want to be happily wrapped up in those endless mysteries and people whom I will likely never understand but allow my imagination to play, keeping me  addicted in humble appreciation. I have been a lucky and cursed man to know such people. Such a bittersweet fruit, knowledge at such a young age. Knowing full well that there are those who play and live to change and grow every moment of their waking lives, leaving you no time to figure them out completely, can absolutely ruin a young man and may yet do me in as well.  I relentlessly Chase after butterfly chasers and rock hoppers, mermaids and wanderers.  I know not if it is their sweet fragrances or that of my own imagination that I have been chasing all these years.

I’ve hidden in the simple, taking refuge from my heart, only for my heart and soul to drag my rational senses away from all too many comfortable places. I stick out like a straight man at a U2 concert. I am too old  now to claim ignorance to myself, and if there is one thing an arrogant man knows, it is himself.  I know that my spirit, body, mind and entire self yearn for rare fruit and mystery. I have trained myself to live the epic and pursue it and god help me, the current is too swift for me to change course now.

I  no longer have a mind for mad science and personal, social experimentation. I want something real worth winning over. I am a bored 10 year old again, kicking up dirt and complication, praying for excitement, and settling for a stick and a mud pit, nothing to keep me busy but my own imagination.

The notion of settling is unsettling to me. I was born to strive, to win over, to earn laughter and warrant good company. I don’t settle down until after the victory lap. I’ve felt at home and at peace in wonder, constant movement, growth, close friends and great conversation.

I see now why I am prone to being a hermit. I am busy on a game trail looking for endangered species and protecting them from  poachers who’d take them only as trophies.  I have almost forgotten what it is like to hold such flowers, to dance with that soul addiction, yet I can never be rid of a memory just as a man could never forget his first taste of honey. That sweet nectar that settles on the back of your tongue reminding you of both its beauty and torturing you with its scarcity as it retreats down your throat.

Those wonders that stay fresh on the tongue keep me going. Call me simple, but the sweetest nectar I know rest in the rarest flowers.


Popularity: 11% [?]

The Sum of My Experience- 3 point shot

1. The absolute importance of community- it takes a village.. to raise this village idiot. I am independent, hear me roar, oh crap my pitch is off? Thanks for telling me. Without friendship and community I’d be lost in myself with nothing to aspire to and a complete oblivious burden to society. I prefer to be a very conscious burden to society- at least that way I can enjoy it.

2. The importance of a life-long dedication  to growth and increased awareness. Mental Practice-it makes being the biggest douche bag and hypocrite a forgivable offense- or that is my latest theory and excuse…for being a douche bag and a hypocrite.

3. discomfort- an absolute necessity – The discomfort of words and  contradiction of concepts. Comfortably uncomfortable and  understanding of the complicated simplicity life both tickles and torments me. Mastering the art of uncomfort is an absolute must.

These are the elements that most make me grow. My weaknesses often bless me as my strengths do their best to damn me.

Growing up with a poor family life, I have a weakness for home cooked meals and the chefs that make them. I would be hard pressed to withhold information over a great meal and a good wine. Compassion and the thought of a home life are my greatest weakness, in all my barking and tenacity, I melt into a teddy bear when asked anything the right way. So few people take the time to master such soft skills. I love each of my weaknesses as they afford me great friends and opportunities to listen and I often loathe the trouble my personality gets into when relying too heavily on my strengths. Balance in all things and constant dichotomy seem to consume my thoughts. I do not live with regret, only hard earned knowledge, scars and fond memories.

Regret is for those who doubt themselves in the moment. Critical thought and analysis of the past are important tools, regret is useless and often empty expression. It is less than an apology, not quite a sorry- a surface shot and mentality that allows one to escape the responsibility of the moment. -My favorite quote from a Prodigy song- It’s better to regret things you have done than things you haven’t.  A grasshopper once told me it is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is permission. Live for mindfully and forgive often, but don’t ever set yourself up for regret.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Under The Bed

What feelings haunt me? What demons live under the bed, closet, or in the confines of boots beyond sight? What emotions do I fear creeping up over the baseboards?

Worry I suppose, the thief of exploration and confidence. Worry is the creditor’s favorite restraint. Worry keeps my feet on the ground when I need to take a leap of faith. I would say that worry worries me but I don’t think about it enough to let it bother me. I don’t waste time in thoughts of my capacity for anger or scorn. I have made assertive practice and cultivation of compassion a priority. I have explored the beast and played it out and only reserve it for writing and occasional impulses.

I have outgrown the fear of the darkness, I am darkest thing in the woods, under the bed, or sitting across from you at the dinner table. Life is best spent from a humble understanding of your own dark nature.

Roles confuse me, as I can dream up many faces, masks and molds to fit and I struggle with distance between my true self and others. In order to best serve my friends, new and old, some distance is required. I know I am weak to get over-involved or serve in the wrong capacity. I can do more as friend than giving in to desire…usually.

I fear that all I am and all I wish to be won’t amount to much to whom I value the most- I cannot answer beyond that- nor will I give away that identity.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Getting The Story Right- Finally

I gave up on so many stories years ago-I traded away my story, and epic flower filled doorsteps decorated with toy dinosaurs in a pursuit of identity and social experimentation. Like Edison, I have discovered 10,000 ways to not get the story right. I thought at the least, my failures and experimental exploits and adventures would be fun and worthy of writing about to say the least. Avoiding what is natural though and ignoring instinct and that which truly touches your heart is no way to live.

Along the way, I lost track of time and rhythm and gave up the tune to toil away in social mixers and boyish indulgences. I thought at worst I could only betray myself, a pain I could live with or end easily, but, when you betray yourself, you betray those around you and they can capsize in your wake. Education claims its victims cruelly, the lessons are felt by all. I was addicted to learning the hard way, dedicated to understanding the depth and complexity of even my worst decisions.

The fog of thought was thick but not it could never consume or conquer that light that shines for us well beneath our conscience. The sweeping wave lit up my thoughts like a mirror, making abundantly clear, that it was time to leave the life of mad scientist behind me. I know many particular ways to live, the nature of suffering, tormenting thoughts and how to connect with people the wrong way, but I am left with only broad strokes and simple themes of light, awareness, simplicity, appreciation, and impermanence.

These brief beams are brilliant, playful creations of thick, bold imposto.  The light hits and connects with me. I am drawn to an entire world that exists between strokes, the subtleties of the colors dancing and disguising themselves in their union. The depth and significance I’ve searched years for finds me in perfect timing, absolute darkness and brink of collapse and ruin, that brings every man to his knees asking for help. Upon the asking is the admission, that there is something bigger than him, something he’ll never fully comprehend, life beyond boxes, categories and paint brush. In the admission is a humility that is rewarded in an instant.

I find a moment, however brief, of peace. The peace is only the beginning as I let fall the pillars of preconception. I fell to steps and am wandering up them, I am greeted by faces familiar to me in distant memory and secret dreams. His birds greet me and I knew in the yielding, I knew in the gift what is greater than myself. It is enough to be in awe of nature when greeted warmly by naked doves that rest naked shoulders and back walls that could make a man wish to fill his skies and ceilings to show his world the closest thing he knew to the divine. I know now why the old man lay on his back on the scaffolding for so long, haunting the chapel as he never grew past awe. May we never fool ourselves into thinking we have grown beyond awe. May awe never escape our landscapes and may she stay long enough to be real

I see it in the yielding, the humility, the awareness. I see in those the timing, tempo, rhythm and story. As if peeking around the corner to see the a direct line through every mountain and ocean to the source of that light on the horizon. I have a heading again, I know the way home, because I have a story again. All is too fragile though, the light different and changing quickly as it passes through a broken glass wind chime back onto page showing different colors entirely. I don’t know how far the distance before home but I feel its warmth and have the scents fresh in my head.

This could be the path home told from a dream, it has all the magnificent timing but all is too premature to tell. Timing and alignment are signs that rarely prove false- especially to a particular man such as myself. All we have left of things bigger than ourselves.

Lead on playful color and light- keep the songs coming and the clues obvious for a dimwitted novice to their meaning.

Popularity: unranked [?]

A Short Blurb and Great Migration

My muscles are tight and lazy from hard work in an office chair, scrambling to save, pinch and pinkle every scrap in sight for the great migration back to midtown.  Far removed from far away, my car rests impatiently neglected and jealous of the pedals and mountain tred, publicly coveted joyrides spent on my bike.  My office and home are clean and clutter free as is my mind for the most part.

The move is a slow and steady flow of necessities only and trinkling of trinkets. I am careful to carry on more baggage of any kind into my new digs and expect the move will take weeks.  I am car not haunted or burdened with an addiction to novelty, consumption or ownership. I have brought with me principles of simplicity, mobility, independence and control- packed neatly in my backpack, next to an old Bokowski novel.  I disguise the personal implications with crisp language and sneak them to work, so they never escape my thoughts.  I came into this new home as light in hand, empty in pocket, and full in mind as I could.

The belly of thoughts I have saved is now wisely dispensed on works, community and meditation.  I have become leaner with the expense and my stomach grumbles of real hunger.  The bare shelves and matching stomach will not stay for long as I will redecorate and fill them both with only the finest of fuels.

My other appetites are playfully neglected and compensated with constant physical activity, conversation, community and friendship. I have 3 roommates to torment and am comitted to the cause. They keep me entertained with their drunken displays and cheap laughter.  All in the house are pleasant and easy going…so far.  I, however being the youngest in the house have already been called out to be measured on wit and prowess, challenges I gladly take and asses handed over quickly, quietly and without gloating.

Trooper, my ironically named, slightly timid dog is happy to live with me in such a large home with a playmate and fellow rescue dog Bailey. Trooper has discovered the art of rolling in the dirt, a forgotten practice of childhood all youngsters his age enjoyed. His sleek smooth and shiny black coat turn gray and camoflauged which I am confident he uses to disguise himself from passing, unsuspecting squirrels and rats on the fence.  Rumors are floating of murder and decapitation of the vermen, but I have yet to witness a kill.

I began brushing the dust off of neglected projects and scribble stacks of yester year. The half songs and half hearted entries that never made it to post now sit quitely in peripheral like bean cans in a bomb shelter during hard times.  My Just in Case pile, things to sort and process- a thickly stacked journey ripe with adventure is clearly ahead for me. In the alphabet of addictions I seem to be stuck on the W’s work,  working out and writing. I can’t imagine where they will continue to take me.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Politics: Ending the Debate on Unions, Big Business and Education

At the core of the economic challenges that industry and educational systems face is the unionized workforce. Now that the economic burdens of these corporations have become our economic burdens,  there is a massive blame fest pointed at unions by conservatives. I am a conservative minded but socially concerned citizen, business owner and non-union member.

If corporations are living beings- they are like body builders- and unions are the immune response of an overworked mal-nurished body. The corporation’s role is to trim the fat, build muscle at lowest possible cost.

In this example, getting bail out money is like a body builder using steroids. It ends with a shrunken, saggy and limp business at the end of the day.

Unions would exist as tyrannical gangs if corporations did not exist. Big business nursed the unions. Unions were created out of need. Without them, our basic human rights as employees would have been sold out long ago.

I believe we need to see reform across the board, especially in education, lower, higher and anywhere it is said to be provided. I believe we need to address the ongoing evils of big business as we simultaneously address and explore union issues.

The cost of living has only increased, unions exist to get what is best for the employees. Big businesses do the same. One cannot attack one without addressing the other. This is a natural war. Corporations do not serve the people (nor does government in many cases) and they cannot be trusted to adequately provide for their employee community. It is not a priority and they often use the image to establish an illusion. The inherent nature of corporations is cannibalistic and focused on one thing, profit.

Small businesses struggle with the dichotomy of their roles in the community and their role in the local economy. Corporations are machines and do not enjoy the human condition.  If you laid off the board members and CE-NOs the machine would continue to work like a FORD Excursion in cruise control or a run away freight train.  If they have all the rights of a human being, they need to be held as liable and accountable as a small business.

This is next to impossible without hitting them in the only line they can read- the bottom line. Unions are the natural response to corporate robots and translate human to robot. Let’s mature beyond simply blaming unions for social and economic problems and address the complexity of the issue.

Performance Based Pay

In Business

Job Security was the go to excuse for paying employees less money. Job security turned out to be a complete illusion, ask anyone who recently retired from the airline industry or any number of companies. Depending on the risk and employee history, employers should expect to pay more where employees can percieve the risk of  a short term relationship. Independent contractors do this all the time and since corporations have failed to demonstrate integrity across the board perhaps it’s time that the masses held out and acted as independent contractors more.  The corporate giants would save trillions in health care and people could make a decent wage.

Education

Here is how I see the future of unions playing out in Education, perhaps the most important institution in dire need of reform. The problem with performance based pay is who determines good performance. I believe parents in any given district, graduates, college students, along with district superintendent and the teachers unions should play a  more direct role in determining performance of teachers.

Silly but Incredibly Practical Performance Solutions

Use an A-F or 5 star rating. Rate My Professor, is a great way to analyze teacher performance based on student opinion. If this were balanced with administrative viewpoint and combined into a 5 star rating system, I think we could accomplish more.

Terms in contract where x amount consecutive semesters will force teachers to attend more training camps, programs and resources and ultimately get fired if they cannot perform.

On the primary educational front, teachers in turn should be allowed to issue syllabi  to parents describing expectations, requirements of students and parental involvement. So many parents squirm at the notion but don’t you want what is best for the brats you are sending to public daycare? Parents need to be more involved and if the student needs to be held accountable as well. There are many free programs for the underprivileged and struggling that are under-utilized (though many are being cut as we speak).

Popularity: unranked [?]

What to Do With Deja Vu and How to Prepare for Premonitions

Do you ever walk into those moments and get that feeling as if you traveled back in time or fell back into a dream you had? I deal with this every time I get a good night’s sleep. I have vivid premonitions and one day walk right into them at some future point in my life. The difference between this and Deja Vu is that I can remember the circumstances and details  of the situation and describe them  before they happen. I confirmed this with friends by talking about my dreams  especially with the friends who were in the dreams and asking them to remember the conversation, only to creep them out when it happens.

Sometimes, I stop people I recognize from my dreams and confront them, only to find out I have never met them before and then later finding them enter my life again. It is like Quantum Leap but without the cross dressing and the holograms.

This has been going on since I was a child. I have studied it and wondered what I am supposed to do with the ability and what exactly it is. I’ve read some dismissive clinical explanations that were inaccurate to my experience and I’ve also heard many a nut job ramble about obvious hallucinations linked with their drug habits in early adulthood.  I have discovered a few rules and distinctions that allow me to cope with the dreams.

Not all of my dreams are premonitions or they are sometimes tainted by the expression of subconscious fears/desires. When strong feelings are involved it can blur or twist the image. The circumstances are true but the outcome is different. People dismiss the dreams as useless if they cannot produce a consistent reliable result or probability. Yet I know when my fears/desires interfere with what I see and how it is effecting  the vision. It is true that I  can’t always rely on an outcome where strong feelings are involved, however, the circumstances are always correct. Our brains don’t keep time and I can only define a moment by the circumstances, environment and details surrounding it.

Environment is also a great time/location indicator. The smell of the air, the humidity, season are all available to my senses.

A premonition  can flow into a dream. It can flow into one causing more confusion. Consciousness and lucidity sneak up on you as you begin to pay closer attention. This phenomenon functions like peripheral vision or super position in string theory. The instant I pay cognitive attention to the premonition, other more playful and imaginative parts of my brain take over.

Perhaps the obvious reasons for those who find it difficult to explain these phenomenon are as follows:

1. Describing smell and climate is difficult to do accurately. Anyone can write a poem to describe the romantic picture perfect moment, but capturing accurate intel from the future is more difficult.

2. Defining the endpoint.  Interference from the conscious mind as the vision transitions over to a lucid dream get in the way of our vision. The end point is not the end of the dream. I at least don’t have convenient cues in my visions where the credits roll and the directors and stunt men are listed.

3. Strong emotions cannot be ignored by the subconscious and are placed appropriately into the vision. This is like taking the issues, moods, fears and desires of today and placing them on stage in the world of tomorrow. This is further convoluted by the emotions and imaginings of the future moment. My premonitions are visions of myself in my head; experiencing and interpreting an event. I not only see actions but thoughts as well. The events, thoughts and emotions are compressed together and it becomes difficult to distinguish them. This gift is not just the foretelling of the events but also foretelling of thoughts and mindsets if nothing is changed. Imagine a specific critical moment or emergency arising in your life and instead of responding, you freeze with fear, resulting in harm or suffering to yourself or others. Wouldn’t it be nice to know how you will handle a future crisis, allowing you to reaffirm your confidence or focus on change and preparation for that moment? It is quite a nice feature and anyone can do it.

4. Those same strong emotions that can be identified and separated in the vision, can change as they do in the present moment. The perceived future sent from my subconscious allows me to prepare for the possibility and I believe that is all one can hope to do.

5.

What is Going On?

I can’t rule anything out but I believe that we barely have an inkling of an idea of the capacity or capability of the human mind. I believe that the subconscious works with an emotional & logical computer that predicts events as if with mathematical formula. This is the nature of intuition, it is like math that can assign variables for emotions/

I recently dreamed I was on my friend’s boat,  a large boat, maybe a houseboat or sail boat. I know it took place on a warm climate in a location that is foreign to me at the moment. I was confronted with someone who I couldn’t readily recall their name or recognize in the dream but they were from  my past and also had a boat. If this were simply a dream, we’d all be dressed as pirates. The context and story I keep to myself, yet I am curious about the circumstances. I wonder where and when this moment will be? I trust it to come and believe it true just as I trust and believe in the next sunrise.

What do you do with the information given from the premonition?

If you strongly want it to happen or be prevented do not try and force a sequence of events and things into place. The mind is predicting these things given your natural tendencies so interfering by seeking to stop a series of events may not help and may only make matters worse. Why? Fear is predictable and can make us do stupid things. Genuine compassion or love on the other hand, is either harder to predict or given infinite possibility by the mind. It seems to be the only wild card, so only good things may surprise you! These genuine feelings are perhaps more complex. primal or buried more deeply in the human psyche or subconscious.

1. Write it down, every sight smell and circumstance.

2. At first, separate or take away any fears and desires. They are less reliable. Take away the elements you know you have strong feelings about and those are solid details to cling to.

3. You are often left with a vague event with specific circumstances, feelings and thoughts. Explore the thoughts and feelings and try to decide if they were appropriate for the moment. Then, encourage and develop the skills, behaviors and thought patterns that will bring those events into your life.

A scary, true, dramatic,  crazy story.

Years before meeting my girlfriend, I had a premonition about rafting with some friends and a girlfriend, I did not know. I knew at the time that the girl was my girlfriend, and the people my friends. I could feel the mental association and their roles. I could smell the sweetness of cedar and bland minerals and metals of the water. The mountains I thought.

The girl and I were in a kayak, going down a river riddled with rapids in seemingly the desert. We hit a large rapid and crashed into a rock that crippled and flipped the kayak sending us overboard. I remember the temperature of the water and the bulging awkwardness of my life jacket. I swam to the girl and carried her to shore. She had drowned in the water. I remember the fear the most. The fear awoke my senses and I then interfered and lost the vision.

This was startling for several reasons. At the time, I was with another woman, so I found the experience scary and inconvenient foreshadowing. Also, I found it difficult to share the dream with anyone else other than closest friends who would remain unaffected by the change in social roles.  Another basic reason I found the dream frightening the notion of dying or the death of a loved one especially right in front of you is traumatizing. I also didn’t think I knew enough about kayaking, white water rafting and tried to avoid dangerous activities that didn’t involve showing off or massive quantities of alcohol.

I wrote about the dream and wrote notes to  become more comfortable on water and to master fears doing far scarier things than kayaking. The fear kept me in pursuit of knowledge, preparation and confidence. I was not going to let this all happen. I thought that I could keep things as they were if I worked hard to prevent change. The duh factor eventually kicked me in the forehead. Change is the only constant.

Well, life marched on and things changed. I changed. For several reasons I found myself to be an action/extreme outdoor sport junkie and a new woman was brought into my life. I did not recognize her from the dream until earlier this week, when we were putting into the water. My girlfriend had rented a raft, and it threw me off. Things did not click until, upon having the wrong oars and less experience on the raft that we traded with our friends onto the kayak. I immediately remembered the dream and thought to myself about cancelling the trip or changing positions. Instead of crapping my pants or trying to avoid the condition, I remembered that I was shown the events for a reason and I spent the whole trip on the water enjoying the experience and being confidentally aware and ever attentitive to the dangers.

We made it half way down our route, 10 miles down the East fork of the Carson river, to our camp site without a hitch. We got through the toughest section of the rapids without flipping over or hitting any rocks. After camping for a day and a half, I was slightly worried for the rest of the journey, noting if anything were to happen, it would happen on that day. I tried not to think about it and made sure to be extra attentitive when reading the river, rapids and rocks. My girlfriend often poked fun at my overly serious tone- which is often very Indiana Jones on all of my adventures. I made sure to make fun of myself as often as I could and we thankfully avoided calamity and arrived at our destination safely.

The Spooky Ending. Cue the Twilight Zone narrator.

I don’t know if I foresaw a different trip with the same people or if it was my fear that I percieved in the original vision and prepared myself for the possible outcome, thereby avoiding it altogether. Perhaps it is a parallel life or time continuum that I was peaking at in my sleep. One thing is for sure, it was not random neurons firing, or the brain completely at insignificant play. I am quite sure our brains are more capable than we give credit.

duh dunh duhhhh!

Over and out- Post rafting pix soon

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