So I was working on another song and had to pull a few twisted lines from it and couldn’t resist playing with them, before I knew it I had this insanely creepy thing that I hope you find eerie and hilarious. Usually I write sweet sensitive things and rarely embrace the inner sarcastic Carlin inspired 13 year old boy.

Sometimes, there are people we all have to chase away and have no nice way to put it so we have to get creative. So on that note, I thought, how can I sound like the biggest creep and stalker to any girl no matter what. Here is the result. The strange thing is, I think there are a lot of women out there who can’t help but attract this kind of guy.

So- Creepy Serial Romance ( had Jack Johnson songs stuck in my head)

I’m the monster in your closet, the guy laying low in the back of your trunk,

The crazy eyed, lumberjack hitchhiker a little down on his luck,

But girl you don’t suppose it to give me a chance?

You could be famous, picture perfect, frozen in a serial romance.

(Only gets worse from here so be warned)

I’m the smelly guy beside you at the back of the bus

The one screaming about spaceships and aliens coming after us,

Won’t you let me abduct you in that pretty red dress?

You might say “What big teeth you have” but I promise I won’t make a mess

Because I’m the guy outside your bedroom with the telephoto lens

who would like to be beside you so the fun would never end,

Won’t you leave your window open so I can climb out of this tree

I promise to be quite when I come in and hold you in your sleep.

Some might think me misguided, unbalanced chemically,

but the most excitement  you’ll ever find will be right here with me.

So girl you don’t suppose that I could  come within 300 feet

If you’d just cancel all the paper work and have them set me free

We could ride off together 3 states away,

the world would never find us, they’d never have a chance,

So what do you say to a little serial romance?

Some might think me misguided, unbalanced chemically,

but the most excitement  you’ll ever find will be right here with me.

I’ve got a million syndromes they’ve tried to medicate

but don’t let that stop you from coming out to play.

I’ll meet you at the bar I followed your car to the other day.

I’ll be the creepy guy beside you who can’t find a date.

And on the nights that you stay home on the Internet

I’ll be logged in and bothering you wanting to be your friend.

I’m the guy with the fake profile and stolen identity,

rifling through your purse to make copies of your keys

Oh you know you’d love your first date with me.